Saturday, November 9, 2013

Sadness Is Unavoidable, Like The Winter

I'm afraid I'm very confused. I can't make up my mind on so many things.

I'm also incredibly sad. This morning driving to work a couple things just popped into my mind and I'm not the cheery person I woke up as. It's aggravating because as much as I'm trying not to let these things bother me, they sneak up in there and I can't avoid it.

On a happier note, CHRISTMAS IS COMING. I can't wait its so exciting. I have my Christmas Radio up on Pandora right now. It may be way too early for it but I can't agree less. Last year it felt like Christmas came and went way too fast and now it's right on schedule. It feels right this year.

On a completely different note, I keep having these dreams about this guy and its totally weird because he's actually on my mind but there's like a whole back story to it and it's a complete shit show and I haven't actually interacted with him in like a year or so I guess. It's really weird.

Till The Sun Sets,

Sarah Jean 

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Closure Fuck You

Can I get some new friends? Please. Please Please?! 

So I guess I got closure, but I don't really know if it's even that. I hate inconsiderate people. Like go fuck yourself because I have thought of you before everything I did, and kept you in mind before I went and blew you off for like ever. I can't keep how frustrated I am inside,Its aggravating to have a friendship turn to shit and all you can say is 'I'm done and over it, bye'?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. 

This is why I have trust issues and don't want to make new friends. This is why I hurt. You just joined the list of people that I eternally hate and yes hate is a strong word and so is fuck. So fuck you.

Maybe there will be an actual post tonight because obviously this is just a little mini-rant.
Till The Sun Rises,

Sarah Jean

Thursday, October 17, 2013

We Meet At An Odd Time

Wow. Look at this, the sun is still up and there's another post coming tonight probably. I was just so aggravated that I needed to vent and no one is ever around to listen.

And I have tons of time to kill since I took an exam today and totally bombed it, leaving the classroom ashamed and scorn. I'll get over it eventually, I'm not sure my mom will though.

I'm back to gossiping again. About all the people who hate me. I can honestly say I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. And I'm so aggravated (and kinda hungry to be honest) that this is happening again. Is there something so mentally wrong with me as a person? Because I can't fathom why this has become a very obvious pattern. God, what the fuck?! Am I a shitty friend? Did I forget something? WHY ARE YOU EVEN AVOIDING ME RIGHT NOW?! Confrontation has never been one of my strong suits and when I try to do it, I do a shitty job and let my emotions get in the way and all of the sudden I become Sassy Bitch. Sorry, just can't help it.

I've been so torn down that if I had problems making friends before, it's even worse now. It hurts. And it may have started with one single shitty unforgiving person, but I'm just too sensitive to it all now. Everything anyone does hurts a little deeper and makes me want to sit in a corner and cry.

Because I'm not good enough.

And maybe it's bullshit, but I don't hear anyone else telling me otherwise.

Fuck You Very Much,

Sarah Jean.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Old Is Fading Away, Again

It's been awhile my nonexistent viewers. I've been busy as funny as that sounds. Busy with school work that I'm already getting behind in because Netflix keeps calling my name. Like a long lost lover, I can't resist. 

Tumblr consumes me all night and day. Hitting post limit isn't as difficult as it seems. I'm currently waiting for midnight to continue. I've also been watching new (to me) TV shows. Like Arrow,Supernatural, The Vampire Diaries, Fringe, The Originals, Hawaii 5-0, Criminal Minds and occasionally Impractical Jokers (because you don't have to follow that to understand it).

I've taken another job working under family. It's long hours and good pay. As weird as this sounds, I'm just hungry all the time especially because I can't leave to get something to eat. 

I've also started a new art class and despite my hatred for it, I can't seem to shake it. I enjoy it but it frustrates me to no end. I've chosen to oil paint a stone house in the forest in the middle of fall. It's going to come out wonderful I hope. I have ten more weeks to find out. 

I need a new phone because I dropped mine less than a foot and now there's a chunk missing from the front screen and it aggravates my ear when I talk on the phone. (iPhone 4). Maybe it's time for an upgrade. 

I need to make some friends stat. Because I don't feel that I fit in here and its just space. I don't know what I'm doing with my life or at this community college. I hate all my classes and yeah. I'm just so positive.

Till The Sun Rises,

Sarah Jean

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Friends For The Keeping

I got my coworker written up today. Which basically means it was a good day. It may sound mean but I just can't help the satisfaction I feel when I know I got her in trouble. Well really her own mouth got her in trouble. Can't wait to work with her again next week. If that's not tense, I don't know what is.

I woke up late today and didn't have to worry about anything. It was pretty amazing. I literally woke up, and then watched a movie. Then I had to get ready for work.

I love having a friend that just wants to hang out, get coffee and chill in a park at like almost 10 at night. If you suggest this I will probably make you my new best friend and love you for a week.

I also love friends that have the patience to sit there with you and figure out how to work skype because I am a moron. If you have patience then we should be best friends.

I miss my friends. I miss everything that I can't have right now. I want to sit and cry because I guess I've been such a bully and haven't known it. And now people are avoiding me because they don't want to get 'punched in the arm' like what the actual fuck, I thought I was old enough to know when to punch someone in their fucking face or not. I just actually can't handle it right now. This post has to be cut short because my feelings are overwhelming me right now and I just need to go sit in the corner and cry over the fact that I've been an oblivious asshole.

Til The Sun Rises,

Sarah Jean

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

A Sight For Sore Eyes

I had such a busy day today. And I realized that coffee, unlike every other time I've drank it, makes me crack out.  It was extremely funny and If you want to see it bring me some coffee. (lol don't. I don't know how long it lasts)

 My day has been much of nothing, If anything less of extremely boring. I didn't do my homework for English Comp. I'm behind in Math. I have no idea whats going on in Human Origins. My life's a bit of a mess at the moment. (so is my room).

There is no class tomorrow so I plan on staying up all night watching movies. YAY!

Til The Sun Rises,

Sarah Jean

Monday, September 23, 2013

Procrastination, An Addicting Sickness

Last night I was too incredibly lazy so I forwent doing my Movie app and Analysis class paper. The result was getting up at 6 AM and doing two pages worth of unedited complete bullshit probably. Who knows if there was even sentences? I know I don't. And while I was up, I did some laundry. Because really why not?

I hate my math class and I think that maybe I was supposed to do some homework or something. Maybe I'll save that til' tomorrow morning yeah? Get up at 4? Get in a good hour and a half of work? Lol, I could get a semi-decent amount of sleep if I went to bed right now. Though people are actually talking to me and it's exciting.

TV fills the empty voids of things that normal humans are supposed to have like love and nourishment. It's okay I like not having to deal with other peoples shit.

I'm not sure of what else to write. I guess today was a pretty decent day.

Til The Sun Rises,

Sarah Jean