Monday, July 8, 2013

Acceptance Is A Glorious Thing

Acceptance, it can either make someone feel incredibly happy or exile them. Thank god it wasn't the latter. I finally reached out for real, to my biological brother. I was crying and scared the whole time. Scared that I wouldn't be accepted. Though he was as excited as I was as we discussed our first meeting in person. I'm not telling my mom because I don't know that she's fully on board with all of this. Though I will be 18 in August, I feel that I can make these kinds of decisions on my own.

I also feel exiled for another reason. Here, I have no friends. No one to confide in. And I know I'm being extreme. I have maybe two friends. All the others I don't really communicate with. I don't understand why everyone feels the need to ignore me, I don't know what I did to deserve it. If they would just tell me, I would either fess up to it or deny it. Problem solved. Move on. Though it's not happening that way. Let's just ignore her no matter now many times she tries to reach out to you and yeah I know you're reading my messages and things like that. It shows when you open them, smarty. I'm all alone here. And I'm so tired of it. So tired of sitting home by myself for weeks on end because I have no one to go out with. How do I even make new friends? Either I already know everyone or they're total douchewads.

I don't understand anything anymore.

God, I'm going to go crawl in a corner and cry (again).

Till The Sun Rises,

Sarah Jean

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