Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Realization of the Fabrication

I forgot to post! Actually, I was out having so much fun that I missed my nightly deadline. I'll still be up for a few hours, so it's not that big of a deal.

I've applied for community college! I'm finally digging myself a path for who knows what. At least it's a start. And frankly, I'm tired of sitting home doing nothing. Learning comes easy to me, and it's something I can welcome back into my life.

I finally drove to my Dad's house by myself. It's a great accomplishment, though I have no idea how to get home. Whoo!

I also bought new illustration pens from Michaels. I don't really do that kind of thing. I do more of a free handed huge mash up of typography of a sort I guess. I just like the way they write.

Tonight was the most fun I've had in a while. I'm back in my comfort zone. Where I used to call home. I have more friends here than I do at my mom's house. It's hard to integrate yourself into group and then extract yourself just as quickly.  Here, there's tons of things to do with people but not enough money to do them. And at my moms, I always have money and no one to spend it with. It's a great burden and a savior all in one.

I can't take being made fun of anymore. Even if it's in good intentions. I'm belittled in everything I do and I hate it so very much. Besides being made fun of, I feel that I'm always so very alone. I can feel it when I spend hours on end by myself. And I can feel it now, in a house full of lively people. When I first moved here, I thought that I actually started to fit in, that this was where I belonged.

I don't think I could have been more wrong. I haven't found the place where I fit yet. Right now I'm just wandering around trying to make myself fit somewhere else.

My 13 year old brother teases me for not having a boyfriend. I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I needed one to be myself. His girlfriend shaved half her head, I don't know if that's such a great thing to flaunt. Yes, I'd like someone to spend time with. To like my weirdness and be as cool as me. (In the weird way). I'd like that. But I'm okay without it. Hey, what does he know? He's a little squirt.

Till The Sun Rises,

Sarah Jean

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