Sunday, September 22, 2013

And With This Gift

Music is amazing.

There is nothing better, it's everything you could ever want. And it never disappoints.(Usually)

Today has been frustrating like every other day. I rarely have the patience to try to remember every little forgettable detail.

I want to begin writing again but I have no inspiration right now. Besides the fact that today was the first day of fall. That might spur something up. I need someone to tell me something completely different and amazing to write about. Otherwise I'll just sit here bored and alone with my big empty mind.

I just want to sit and think about everything and nothing. I really want to sit and people watch, maybe create new characters. What I really want to do is take a crapton of  pictures. (Without looking extremely creepy of course.) I just want someone to sit with me and we can take pictures together. I can read my writings to them and they can tell me they're amazing or terrible. I want someone who understands the shackles that pull my heart underwater. That understands the dark fog that clouds my thoughts and happiness.

I'm torn between wishing someone would tell me it's okay and wishing someone would explain that it's not okay. I need to be told due to the fact that I cannot think for myself.

(Crappy Reference Time) It's like at work when I see a pair of bright red boots that we only have in my size. I obviously want them. I want them so bad that if someone came in and bought them I would be devastated. Though on the other hand, I don't need them. Nor do I have anything that would match really. So I'm not going to buy them and when someone else does, I'm still going to be upset.

I also feel that everyone around me is upset with me. Like, I'm sorry I didn't realize how much of a disappointment I was. I don't understand what I did wrong. And maybe it's just me because it usually is, still, how would I know though?

I want so much, but I just don't reach for it.

Til The Sun Rises,

Sarah Jean

No comments:

Post a Comment