Thursday, October 24, 2013

Closure Fuck You

Can I get some new friends? Please. Please Please?! 

So I guess I got closure, but I don't really know if it's even that. I hate inconsiderate people. Like go fuck yourself because I have thought of you before everything I did, and kept you in mind before I went and blew you off for like ever. I can't keep how frustrated I am inside,Its aggravating to have a friendship turn to shit and all you can say is 'I'm done and over it, bye'?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. 

This is why I have trust issues and don't want to make new friends. This is why I hurt. You just joined the list of people that I eternally hate and yes hate is a strong word and so is fuck. So fuck you.

Maybe there will be an actual post tonight because obviously this is just a little mini-rant.
Till The Sun Rises,

Sarah Jean

Thursday, October 17, 2013

We Meet At An Odd Time

Wow. Look at this, the sun is still up and there's another post coming tonight probably. I was just so aggravated that I needed to vent and no one is ever around to listen.

And I have tons of time to kill since I took an exam today and totally bombed it, leaving the classroom ashamed and scorn. I'll get over it eventually, I'm not sure my mom will though.

I'm back to gossiping again. About all the people who hate me. I can honestly say I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. And I'm so aggravated (and kinda hungry to be honest) that this is happening again. Is there something so mentally wrong with me as a person? Because I can't fathom why this has become a very obvious pattern. God, what the fuck?! Am I a shitty friend? Did I forget something? WHY ARE YOU EVEN AVOIDING ME RIGHT NOW?! Confrontation has never been one of my strong suits and when I try to do it, I do a shitty job and let my emotions get in the way and all of the sudden I become Sassy Bitch. Sorry, just can't help it.

I've been so torn down that if I had problems making friends before, it's even worse now. It hurts. And it may have started with one single shitty unforgiving person, but I'm just too sensitive to it all now. Everything anyone does hurts a little deeper and makes me want to sit in a corner and cry.

Because I'm not good enough.

And maybe it's bullshit, but I don't hear anyone else telling me otherwise.

Fuck You Very Much,

Sarah Jean.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Old Is Fading Away, Again

It's been awhile my nonexistent viewers. I've been busy as funny as that sounds. Busy with school work that I'm already getting behind in because Netflix keeps calling my name. Like a long lost lover, I can't resist. 

Tumblr consumes me all night and day. Hitting post limit isn't as difficult as it seems. I'm currently waiting for midnight to continue. I've also been watching new (to me) TV shows. Like Arrow,Supernatural, The Vampire Diaries, Fringe, The Originals, Hawaii 5-0, Criminal Minds and occasionally Impractical Jokers (because you don't have to follow that to understand it).

I've taken another job working under family. It's long hours and good pay. As weird as this sounds, I'm just hungry all the time especially because I can't leave to get something to eat. 

I've also started a new art class and despite my hatred for it, I can't seem to shake it. I enjoy it but it frustrates me to no end. I've chosen to oil paint a stone house in the forest in the middle of fall. It's going to come out wonderful I hope. I have ten more weeks to find out. 

I need a new phone because I dropped mine less than a foot and now there's a chunk missing from the front screen and it aggravates my ear when I talk on the phone. (iPhone 4). Maybe it's time for an upgrade. 

I need to make some friends stat. Because I don't feel that I fit in here and its just space. I don't know what I'm doing with my life or at this community college. I hate all my classes and yeah. I'm just so positive.

Till The Sun Rises,

Sarah Jean